Yikes. Those last few posts were rough. Being on the other side of things makes it difficult to read about. It’s almost like that was someone else’s life, not mine. It couldn’t have been my life. I have so many things to be thankful for. How did I let myself get caught in a rut?
As is obvious (to me, at least), I’m doing much better than before (See Part One and Part Two). December was hard. Really hard. Kick-you-in-the-pants-and-knock-you-down hard. And it’s a real shame. I was excited to spend Christmas with family and I let my head mess things up. I was taking my loved ones for granted, and they deserved better. I deserved better. I’m past that now.
There won’t be days where I don’t feel a little twinge of depression–that’s my lot in life. It’s literally written into my DNA. But I have the power to combat it, thanks to modern medicine, positive thinking, and faith. Oh, yes, faith. How do we accomplish anything without the help of Heavenly Father? I don’t. It was foolish of me to think I could get along on my own, without him. Because that’s what depression did to me, and probably does to others. I was so wrapped up in my problems that I felt obligated to get myself out. All of my own. With no help from other people, let alone God. And that was where I went wrong.
Things are looking up. My “tentative plans” mentioned in an earlier post are becoming more solidified each day. An international trip is in the works, as is the never-ending job hunt (I keep telling myself that I only need one person to say yes, only one person to hire me. Just one!).
Also–and here is where all of you get very jealous, very quickly–I started volunteering at the (SAHS) San Antonio Humane Society!!! **cue adorable puppies** I don’t have any pictures yet (they discourage phone usage while you’re handling the animals) but maybe I can’t sneakily snap one of the puppies next time I’m there.
And be warned–THEY ARE PRECIOUS. So, if puppies couldn’t cheer me up, then nothing could.
But seriously, readers. If you’re suffering from depression (or anxiety, or anything that falls under that umbrella), you’re not alone. I’m here, willing to talk. And I know it sucks. I know first hand that it sucks. That it sucks so much you don’t want to tell anyone about it because you think it’s shameful, like you’ve got a broken hard drive while everyone else runs smoothly. But there are so many people out there suffering in the same way, or similar.
Find what makes you happy, and if you don’t know what makes you happy then start trying things. Try everything, until something fits. Wait for that light-bulb moment that goes off and you think in bewilderment “How did I not think of this before? It’s the perfect solution!”
And I’ll be here, waiting to hear all about it.
Peace out, homeslices.
P.S. You know what helps to cheer me up? Pictures that remind me of the good old times when I was happy and surrounded by loved ones.